On our way to salt lake for the night. Just a short little road trip to visit good friends. It seems we make this trip a lot and it always makes me feel several different emotions. There are so many people that really impacted my life when I lived there yet I only lived there a very short time. It's a beautiful thing when another human being really touches your life.

This past weekend was Thom's birthday. We started the weekend off by tromping through a pumpkin patch, picking up pumpkins and squash as we went along. It's a beautiful Autumn tradition that I've had since I lived in Kentucky. I hope to continue this tradition as the years go on in our marriage and eventually with our children.

Happy October!

I am getting married!

typical

I find myself always reverting back to old thoughts and old traits. Maybe it's part of what makes me up. If this is the case then there is no changing it. I will always be weary, cynical and un trusting. I will always wait for the bad, always knowing it has to be so close. I know I won't share these worries and fears instead I do what I do best, which is I pull away waiting for the other person to destroy it so I don't have to. I know I will hide it and try to continue to be happy but I see these things keep closing in on me and I wonder how much more time I have. But I always hoped I could change this part of me. I kept waiting to get over it, and I thought I was. I guess I think I am changing I just never had to put that change to work. I just hope I don't ruin it before I can know for sure.

These feelings of sadness usually come and go. They usually hit suddenly and leave suddenly. Today it has a sticking feeling. I rarely miss my old life unless I really think about it. Today I woke up with a terrible sad feeling. I am not sure where this originated from. Maybe I just miss my best friends. Maybe I just miss my mom. Maybe I miss the little things about the town I used to love. I just had a realization that it's not the same here and it won't ever be. I am becoming more seclusive and lonely. Being lonely never much bothered me before. It's weird how being surrounded by other people can make you feel more lonely. It's usually when you are always surrounded by people you know but not really. I think this is where my loneliness is coming from. It's tiring never really feeling in. It's also a feeling of being sick of the same people doing the same thing. It comes from the endless nights where random boys you have no interests in refuse to really understand you're the not the kind of girl they are used to. The feeling of having boy after boy make failing attempts when the one boy you kinda sorta really liked/like doesn't like you....as for as you know. Cause for me....I don't mention these feelings or say them a loud. It's too real to do that. This sadness comes to the fact that I am always wanting what it is I don't have. I am missing the little things that I used to hate. I am missing some of the reasons that I hated Boise. This is just my random feelings of sadness. They usually come and go.

you'll be a lady soon

I like driving up the hills at night just so I can see the city lights as I drive down.
I like watching my own shadow.
I like the feeling of coming home.
I like when I get lost in my own thoughts.
I like the feeling of completely trusting a person.
I like laughing so hard I can't speak.
I like the feeling of being a little sunburned.
I like reading in public places.
I like eating out by myself.
I like watching people at airports just to wonder where they are going.
I like laying in a made up bed.
I like thinking about old memories.
I like making up stories in my head about what other people are thinking about me.
I like the feeling of finishing a book I have completely invested myself in.
I like naps when I know I have nowhere to be.