typical

I find myself always reverting back to old thoughts and old traits. Maybe it's part of what makes me up. If this is the case then there is no changing it. I will always be weary, cynical and un trusting. I will always wait for the bad, always knowing it has to be so close. I know I won't share these worries and fears instead I do what I do best, which is I pull away waiting for the other person to destroy it so I don't have to. I know I will hide it and try to continue to be happy but I see these things keep closing in on me and I wonder how much more time I have. But I always hoped I could change this part of me. I kept waiting to get over it, and I thought I was. I guess I think I am changing I just never had to put that change to work. I just hope I don't ruin it before I can know for sure.